Part Perfectionist, Part Hot Mess

Weekly Reads v. 11.5.2026

Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

This week – or was it last week, the days are a blur of late – I interviewed a woman who must have apologized three times for being a perfectionist during the course of our 45-minute conversation. A quick glance at her resume told me we were about the same age, graduating from college a year apart. According to her colleagues, she is a person who can be counted on and consistently delivers excellent work. Being a perfectionist surely has something to do with how she earned this reputation, so why was she so defensive about it?

Truth be told, I saw a bit of myself in her desire to downplay her attention to detail and willingness to put in extra effort. And I apologized for the exact same thing a few days later when I’d just met two women over dinner in a noisy restaurant off the freeway. A mutual friend had introduced us because the three of us enjoyed making things in our free time. The connector friend knew I enjoyed sewing, and she thought there would be plenty of overlap between yours truly and her two friends who’d recently started teaching themselves to quilt. And she was correct! We had a lovely time talking about our hobbies. (p.s. let’s all be that friend who brings people together, OK?!)

At one point in the conversation, we shared photos of our work and of our dream projects.

“Do you have any photos of the large quilt you made?” One of the ladies asked me.

“Oh sure. Here are some photos from when I was putting the quilt together, and here is a photo of the finished product. It’s funny, everytime I look at the finished quilt, I always notice this one square that’s a bit off,” I said.

And then the conversation turned to an admonishment on perfectionism in three parts: The Goal is Not Being A Perfectionist, Enlightened People Are OK with Imperfection, and It’s More Fun When You Just Go With It. Nevermind the fact that sewing is a precise art; we all experience this truism when we buy clothes.

I recognize these two women were being gracious and kind rather than critical. Lord knows criticism can deeply sting when you’re just starting to learn a new craft, and this was not a critical conversation in any way. It was interesting, however, to see perfectionism get such a bad rap. Take one look at my life and you’ll see I’m consistently inconsistent – part perfectionist, part hot mess. I’ve learned to let some things so that I may hold tight reins on other things. When I am dialed into a project that requires precision – like sewing – I set high standards for myself.

For some of us, doing things with precision is a part of the joy we receive from our work. Admit you’re a perfectionist, however, and you’re hit with lines like “Perfectionism is BS” or admonishments from psychologists about “The Black Hole of the Demanding Perfectionist.” It’s no wonder the woman I interviewed apologized repeatedly for her Type A tendencies. I suppose some of this backlash to the Tracy Flicks of the world is rooted in the oft unexpressed expectations of perfectionism. After all, it feels defeating to be subjected to unrealistic standards and a steady stream of criticism, but to typecast all perfectionists as not being self aware and desiring control over others is unfair.

There are some people who have learned the hard way that perfect is the enemy of the good. I suspect for these people, perfectionism is a tool to be yielded surgically. Perfectionism no longer shackles their work or continuously moves the goalposts — two common issues that may prevent work from technically failing but often cause work to go uncompleted. Instead, perfectionism can harnessed to allow someone to focus on delivering thoughtful details.

As for me, I’m still learning how to wield my perfectionist tendencies without wearing myself out and littering my home office with half-finished products. I’m still practicing the art of expressing my expectations both to myself and to others. And I’m still working on being proud of my ability to notice details instead of apologizing for this tendency.

I’ve also found it helps to cheer on other perfectionists. After all, it takes all kinds to make this glorious world of ours go ‘round.

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