The Slippery Slope of Doing Your Best
a.k.a Overthinking a fluffy cop drama set in Belfast
It’s been a long time since I had a whole week to myself, which was exactly what the last week of July was for me. How did I use this time? Well, after work, I worked on my first quilt, enjoyed long phone calls with friends in faraway places, and I immersed myself in a TV show called Blue Lights.
The show is set in a city I called home for a short while – Belfast, Northern Ireland. It tells the story of a police department doing all the things people do on a cop show which is mainly working so much that their personal lives wilt.
But the scenery! The Northern Irish phrases I’d forgotten! The show was like spending time with a dear old friend.
An oft-repeated phrase on the show was, “I’m doing my best.” Sometimes this sentiment was repackaged as “Well, just do your best” or “We’re all just doing our best here.”
The phrase was used around the office, in tense flare ups between romantic partners, and in a stand-off between peelers (police) and a neighborhood beaten down by a longtime battle between the government and paramilitary groups.
The more it was used, the more the phrase felt like horrible advice or a hollow excuse. This was particularly true when the phrase was delivered in a cheery tone as an untouchable reason for a character’s rude or neglectful behavior. When the phrase was transformed into a suggestion for someone else, it felt downright bossy.
It got me (over)thinking.
Perhaps the phrase should be, “Do the best you can do.”
Doing your absolute best can stir up feelings of resentment when others may interpret “best” as putting forth minimal effort and leaving it at that. Or what about the person who appears to effortlessly deliver home run after home run? Sheesh, your hard-earned best seems to pale in comparison to their effortless best.
Somehow introducing individual ability into the phrase feels freeing. Maybe in one particular moment, your best isn’t possible. If you’re in a season of fatigue and a lack of resources, your ultimate best just ain’t gonna happen. But you could make the best of that situation, and all could still be well.
The shoe fits the other foot as well.
By asking or expecting someone to do the best they can do, you hopefully relieve them of some unspoken or unrealistic burden to live up to your definition of best. They are using what they have to do the best that is possible in that moment, and you are giving them space for that.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to overthink another cop show. This time, it’s set in the northernmost parts of Scotland.