Trading Notes Isn't Just for Class
There's power in sharing your highs and lows with another
M is the sort of friend you’ll be on the phone with for two hours and only realize the amount of time that’s passed because that dreaded low battery buzz vibrates in your ear. I’ve chatted with M while driving, cooking, cleaning, walking, shopping, supposedly working, and well you get the idea.
Our most recent chat seemed to revolve around the idea of doing everything – even dealing with a setback – with purpose. Because M and I most certainly do things with a focus and determination. Those lackluster types intent on letting things happen or drifting aimlessly from one station to another can step aside, please. We’ve got places to be.
Or maybe not.
At about the 1:15 mark of our conversation, M got a message from the guy she was scheduled to meet for a first date (drinks) later that night. I was gutted. Also, his “excuse” was annoyingly lame, so I was kinda aggravated. Since I live two time zones away, I couldn’t exactly take his spot on the reservation and be there with M in person. Now I was heartbroken.
We talked through his poor excuse, questioned why people couldn’t just be honest (no, wait, maybe we don’t wanna know), and surveyed this spot of life in which we both found ourselves. Did we take a wrong turn? Why wasn’t it M’s turn for her dreams to come true?
Oh, and did we think we’d be talking about dating this much in our mid-forties? Absolutely not. But it turns out quite a lot of people are dating in their mid-forties (and beyond). People don’t appear to graduate from The School of Pursuing Dreams. That sting of embarrassment or even shame when you are singled out for being single or divorced or childless or recovering from the death of a child or unemployed or underemployed hits hard and deep. While each of those chapters of life is profoundly different from one another, they all wound in a powerful way.
The act of recognizing everyone is wounded in some way can serve as a balm for a bruised heart. This is why it is so healing to share notes about our disappointments. To see others also carry the gaping hole of an unfulfilled desire can immediately snap you out of a gloominess and into a place of clear perspective. To create space to sit in a sadness or disappointment seems to be my first step to moving out of that grey fog into a patch of sunlight. Maybe this is true for you, too?
A picture I took while on my honeymoon. Reader, I thought this day would never come, but it did. And your day is coming, too. Ballachulish, Scotland, 2022