What is a “Big Girl Job,” Anyway?

Weekend Reads v. 22.11.2025

Photo by Krismas on Unsplash

Thursday was one of those days that felt like a bizarre reinterpretation of “This is Your Life.” I had a short lunch with a former colleague from a job I held in New England. This was followed by a late afternoon coffee break with a professional friend I’ve known for ages. The day ended with an after-work hair appointment with my 20-something stylist currently donning waist-length pink braids.

My stylist had recently experienced a rift in a longtime friendship, and this situation made up the bulk of our conversation. The longtime friend had a habit of tightly tethering a person’s worth to having a “big girl job.” This made my stylist feel less than. “I mean, I have a ‘big girl job,’ too,” my stylist told me, waving her silent hair dyer as she gestured to the trendy salon around us. The rift with the longtime friend developed after she lost her “big girl job” and seemed to retreat from the friendship with my stylist.

The crux of my stylist’s dilemma was not, I learned, the potential loss of a friend who was obviously embarrassed by a lay-off. Instead my stylist struggled with how she should define what a successful career looks like in her own life. Or, in her terms, does she have a “big girl job” if she isn’t in an office all day?

My previous meetings with the former colleague and friend had perfectly prepared me for that impromptu salon therapy session. Like white noise in the background, my subconscious had been replaying earlier chapters of my career all day. I recalled chapters of my career where I was unsteady on my feet when it came to decisions or how best to respond in tense situations. Chapters where I sold myself short. Chapters where I literally made myself sick with stress.

As my stylist talked through her career goals and woes, it seemed she was landing on a truism I have watched play out time and time again: woe to those who define themselves primarily by their “big jobs,” for those jobs can suddenly disappear, taking with them an enormous amount of that person’s pride and purpose.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe you’ve seen the recent press blitz for a new book called, “All the Cool Girls Get Fired: How to Let Go of Being Let Go and Come Back on Top.” Harper’s Bazaar described the book as, “... a salve and a solve for anyone who has gotten kicked off the ladder, only to find the ladder no longer exists. Part manual, part career-oriented memoir, All the Cool Girls Get Fired reframes the narrative around losing your job and provides a road map for what to do next.”

I’ve noticed readers of the book have been inspired to share their own stories of how career detours and dead ends provided them with powerful lessons and magical opportunities. After reading the book, longtime fashion blogger Grace Atwood said, “It would take years, but I’d later realize that getting laid off was one of the best things that ever happened to me.” I’ve read many other reviews, and they echo this same sentiment.

Mind you, these remarkable stories of transformation and self-enlightenment often come years after a traumatic layoff when the person is safely ensconced in a better paying job.

The fear of losing a job is palpable. Even now, I can summon up the dry mouth, pounding heart, and racing mind that accompany the speculation of how it would feel to be summoned down to the executive floor – the 2nd floor in my case – for an unscheduled meeting with my boss and HR. For those of you who work for yourself and no longer have an executive floor in your life, this scenario might be conjured up by picturing the aftermath of an unanticipated email with the subject, “Quick Update” landing in your inbox. In addition to calculating the impact of a sudden loss of revenue, your brain races to map out the answer to why this happened and how you’ll explain this mortifying event to others.

It’s no wonder my stylist’s longtime friend was so wrapped up in getting and keeping that big girl job. We live in an era where our first identifying statement to others is usually related to our profession. For some people, the act of melding your identity with your job title is incredibly hard to prevent. There are jobs that really do require 24/7 attention, and there are jobs that involve drastic consequences should a mistake occur. For a long while I was fixated on “babysitting” my job which mainly consisted of turning off email notifications, setting firm out of office policies with colleagues, and failing horribly at implementing a myriad of tips from career coaching gurus. I ended up missing out on industry news and felt resentful when the true work emergencies came up after hours.

These days I have a job that would most assuredly be described as a “big girl job” by my stylist. The stress level is off the charts, sometimes for good reason. My text messages and personal emails are woefully neglected. I’m behind on catching up with more people than I can count. And yet, I fold all these shortcomings into the picture of me that I show the world. My identity today is not defined by my title. No, I am choosing to identify myself as a woman juggling quite a lot as she pursues a life of quality. My resume may be desultory, but it is full of incredible people and experiences – no strategic ladder climbing or power grabs here. My career has been shaped by my philosophy that when God opens a door, I don’t overthink it and just walk through.

I’ve adopted a broader approach to how I define my career. Instead of focusing on a title or a department, I would like to define my lifelong career by the work I’ve done. I would like to be known as a builder and trustworthy partner. When I look back over my many, many jobs – like the job I had in New England with the aforementioned colleague – I see a career built on helping others achieve their goals across the various industries and companies listed on my resume.

What about you? Do you feel confident in how you use your talents? How might you describe your life’s work?

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