You Are a Patchwork Quilt
Weekend Reads v. 14.3.2026
This morning I woke up from one of those dreams that featured all the classic indications of a brain busy with processing and stressing over anything and everything. Did my childhood home with its features perfectly intact make an appearance? It was indeed. Did I witness a mix of current work colleagues alongside family members? Yup, they were all there even though there’s little chance of them ever meeting in my waking life. Were bits of conversation and late-night Instagram reels woven in? You bet. Did a mad rush to the airport cap off the dream? Absolutely.
I suppose this weird dream was the product of a week that included reading and hearing about other people’s lives. I’d helped a new colleague get situated and heard about his career and life over the course of the week. At the end of the week, I read this essay about a woman’s fond childhood memories of her grandmother which of course triggered memories of my own beloved grandmother, Polly. This might have been a week full of memories for you, too. Many of us reminisced about where we were six years ago this week — I was stuffing my car full of my belongings to make the move from Connecticut to DC. I also found myself thinking about this week last year when I was prepping for an epic surprise birthday party for my husband.
Needless to say, this was a week where I spent a lot of time looking in the rearview mirror.
As I’ve mentioned to you before, I have a bad habit of wallowing in what-ifs and regret. I am working to change that by flipping the record, so to speak, each time I feel myself wading into the dark waters of regret. This is especially true when it comes to missing my grandparents or reflecting on my childhood.
The presence of absence can be so profound. The longing for what is no longer can cripple you if you aren’t careful. So how can we turn that moment of grief for what was into something more positive and beneficial to us in the present? I suspect reframing the memory of a person or time is where we can start. Instead of focusing on the things we may have lost, we could instead choose to focus on those things that we carry with us.
For example, my grandmother was dedicated to sending cards to her grandkids to commemorate birthdays and holidays. I loved receiving a bright green envelope adorned with her careful cursive handwriting in the days leading up to St. Patrick’s Day. And I always looked forward to seeing how she would personalize my birthday cards – maybe writing the name of my pet above the illustration of a dog or cat on the card she’d chosen for me. I try to carry this tradition on by sending cards to the littles in my life as each holiday rolls around.
I also remember how she had a signature scent and color. If memory serves, the perfume she always wore was White Linen from Estée Lauder, and her signature color was most definitely red. I imagine when my nieces and nephews remember me, they’ll likely remember me in a solid top wearing my wire-thin gold rings and bracelets and smelling of Santal 33. By defining my style, even just a bit, I feel as though I carry Polly with me.
My grandmother was quick with a joke, loved to “go cruising” with me around town as we listened to Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline, and she always reminded me that she loved me because I was hers. It was her way of saying no matter what failures or bumps along the road that I might endure, she’d always love me. When I feel a pang of sadness over the fact that we can’t hop in the car and go for a drive or that I can’t introduce her to the man I married, I remember parts of her are woven into the fabric of who I am today. She lives on in bits of my humor and hospitality.
You and I are both patchwork quilts, made of the people and places that nourished us along the way.
When you think of the pattern of the quilt that represents your life, what fabrics do you see? Do you see the sturdiness of a beloved grandfather or the warmth of a favorite aunt? Do you recall summer mornings waiting for pancakes at a diner in the beach town you visited every August? Do you look back on your twenties and see a group of friends who carried you from childhood to adulthood? Do you see the reflection of a brave loved one when you look back on the courage you displayed to carve out the life you now live?
In addition to the story a patchwork quilt tells, it also makes for easy alterations. A square can be swapped out for another if you choose, making redemption an important feature of our quilts. A square that reminded us of regret can be exchanged for a softer fabric reflecting the kindness and love we’ve learned to give ourselves along the way.
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The metaphor of a patchwork quilt is very powerful. I am going to carry that with me. Thank you!